A few weeks back I wrote a post stating that I had neglected my painting skills for almost twenty years and I finally felt the inspiration to bring out the canvas and paint. The reality was, I had wanted to paint for a very long time, but deep down I was afraid. The fear portrayed itself as excuses of “not enough time” or “I just don’t know what to paint,” but the truth was that I was afraid that I had lost the skills I so deeply connected with in myself. (I was just hoping it was like riding a bike!) I had to take a step back and identify that fear was holding me back in order to take the step forward. If you have a goal or dream that you want to accomplish and you catch yourself making excuses or putting it off, this three-step process may help you overcome fear and self-doubt.
1 – Specify your goal in one simple sentence:
Here is Mine:
“I want to be recognized again for my artistic ability as a painter.”
Don’t get overwhelmed with too large of a goal as at will just derail you. Try to take what you want to accomplish all the way to its core. For example, if your dream is to meet a significant other, fall in love and start a family but you are too shy to even date, then your goal might be: Learn to meet and interact with new people.
2 – Create a 3 Part Fear List
Write down 3 things that trigger fear and self-doubt
Here is Mine:
- I was afraid I no longer knew how to draw and paint
- I was afraid that my friends or family would not like my subject matter
- I am afraid that I will end up with a stack of paintings that no one sees
This is a “no-excuse” zone. Look deep down and list what is truly holding you back. Peel back the layers of excuses by asking “why?” each time. If you use the 5 Whys Technique, you will get to the heart of the issue. Another tip is that this list should not include any doubt that comes from other people. “My boyfriend says I …” or “my boss told me…” do not count. What is inside YOU that is causing the fear.
3 – Tackle the Blockers to Overcome Fear and Self-Doubt
Now this is the part that may “get real” or not be easy, but if there is something on the list that the outcome cannot be learned by tackling the goal, then you need to take a step back.
For example, every fear on my list could only be overcome if I faced the challenge and attempted my goal of a painting… but what, for instance, if one of the items on the shyness example was that the person was too shy because they felt unattractive. Unfortunately, no matter how many times they attempt to meet and interact with new people, their feeling of being unattractive will stand in their way.
In cases where your attractiveness, your health, your weight, your self-worth, etc. are on the 3 Part Fear List, then you have a “blocker.” When you have a blocker, then you need to put the current goal aside and start this exercise over using overcoming that blocker as the goal.
For example, if your 3 Part Fear List contains that you feel unattractive – Then your first goal should be to feel attractive.
Keep going through this exercise until you truly get to the heart of the matter and you can see in your Fear list that the only thing standing in your way is moving forward. Once you tackle that goal, the next one on your list will be easier to solve. While this may seem like an overwhelming exercise at first, but truly peeling back the onion and identifying the root cause of your fear and self-doubt will help you move forward in life. There is no way around it, I believe, only through it.
I wish you success in this exercise; please share your story with me if this has helped you overcome fear and self-doubt as it did me.
“Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you.” – Somebody on the Internet
Thanks for reading,
-Tracy ?